long post of complains, bother to read on if only u're really bothered.

1st of all. i juz wasted freaking 8 bucks buying something WORNG.
some wrong book! tmd la!
damn freaking pissed off wif myself.
i nv made such a dumb mistake b4 can.
tmd x10

2nd. today in camp was crap.
the whole atmosphere among the 9 'so called' newbies is soo tensed.
one dumb senior juz gt himself bitten by his dog.
how stupid can that get can-.-
n guess wad? he's on guard duty that day.
so whos gonna take over him? the newbies of coursE!
cuz they are soo free n easy to use ma.
so we have to fight it out among ourselves.
n guess wad? we play open numbers.
freaking scary game i muz admit. my heart almost came out.
n i was nt the one. this one guy tio-ed la.=/
i was at first pretty sad 4 him.
cuz all this is really bad luck man.
but i had an intuition he's gonna push things off.
n tada! he managed to make use of his some f-ed up status to escape.
pushing all the troubles back to the remaining few.
how fk-ed up can this seriously get?
so someone had to seriously take over him.
n lucky me, i still survived the second round of open numbers=/
but guess wad excuse the first guy in the end madE?
he had to meet his maple guild friends..
totally f-ed up x10 can.
that is virtual for nuts! use ur brain la. the game wun run away can!
n juz becuz of that u made urself a bastard. wth.
thanks to this ass hole, spoilt my day x10.

3rd. ytd i simmered down n thought of msging jonah alr.
thou i'm still pissed wif him ps-ing me.
but guess wad? i gt some half-hearted reply can.
so forget it. as if i'm in the wrong la.
so i'm juz gonna shut up.
i was the one being ps-ed at the very very last moment can.
thats damn crap to be treated like this.
esp by someone calling best friend.
how tragic right. guess i juz suck.
i deserved it.
n i will learn my lesson.


last. i'm juz so so so freaking pissed off now.
my mood is bad x10 x10 x10.

Labels: this sucks

friendships n family are everything.
LOVE IS NOTHING.
sounds so crap to hear this from me?
cuz i've thought it real hard.
i would give it my best shot.
make it my best try.
make things happen wif my best shot.
but, things may nv go my way as always.
so i'm prepared to face the truth.
bring it on la.

watched forbidden kingdom today wif edwin at lot1.
the storyline was pratically unacceptable.
ridiculous n rather crappy la.
but its still worth a 3out of 5!
cuz i love the action in it!
unless u love action-packed shows alot,
dun watch the show.
juz borrow the dvd when it comes into the market.=p

Labels: double J

zzz. kena pangseh-ed by jonah.
pissed enough nt to reply his sms.
wad an asshole.
n i was nice enough to wait for his replies previously.
thinking he is free,
thinking he can make it,
thinking he would make it.
but too bad, i was wrong.
HAHA. i am so stupid.
to have such good imagination right?


cause i care,
thats why i bothered.
thats why i can be pissed off.
i thought u can be trusted.
but i was disappointed.

Labels: stupid me

counting down to pay day: 15more days!!
life recently juz sucked, so i'm looking most forward to payday!
cuz its the most delightful day of the month.
when u get ur pathetic allowance.
wad a paradox. =.=

anw the april bmt guys are all out today.
from their 2weeks long of confinement.
some ppl did bother.
while others are juz heck.
so much for keeping in touch rite?
thats juz bullshyt to me nw.

Labels: payday blues

OMG. my nose is now like a tap.
macham cant control now la, auto tap sia.
flows like nobody's business. screw it man.
feels like i'm gonna fall sick soon. zzz.
i really hate to fall sick.
cuz i dun have 1 illness at a go.
its usually a large conmbination strike me at once.
>< n i have to be down for a few days min.
hope i dun fall sick yet man.
there alot to do for the next few weeks i guess.
so i cant afford to fall sick.
back to my unit life.
kinda slack lo. for the time being.
cuz we are still nt operationally ready.
so everyday is either slack or do saikang lo.
saikang is unavoidable i guess.
cuz we are still newbies ma.
of cuz all the shytty jobs go to us lo.
fine. my hands have to go to stop my tap nw.
thats all.


the scar that still burn till today.
the only barrier i've got to overcome.
the ultimate source of my fears.

Labels: K9

命中注定我愛你

new unit is like so -.-sian.
8 to 5 for the time being.
cuz we are nt deemed to be OPs ready.=/
the duty is kinda xiong la.
11 minimum a month.
very monotonous n regimental n routine i guess.
the dogs there are huge man.
guard dogs sia. all so HUGE.
so i have to travel to n fro home now..
guess my travelling expenses man.
even worse than my pathetic pay la. zzz.


it sucks when u cant slp.
cuz everything weighs on ur mind like a stone.
so heavy, so heavy. n u cant heck it.
infinite thanks to edwin.
cuz u let me say everything out.
thou u din really help me much.
but i still love u x10 la.
or else i muz be feeling worse now.


your image juz keep flaring up in my mind.
unstoppable emotions.

Labels: K9

sian x10 screwed up weekend.
dun ask me why.
cuz everything does nt go expectedly.
everythings turns out topsy turvy.
my mind is in a whirl now too.

every now n then, unexpectedly, i would think of the past.
days when i had much more to rely on, to fall back on.
like when chinhua was arnd tt time.
i really hoped things had nt evolved to that stage.
but wht's the point. things wun change now.
what has happened is permanent.
wad harm done to the heart can nv be reversed.
yes. i nv did hate him. cuz i cant do so.
but so wad? as if he would pity me.
but i wld nv wan his sympathy.
i'm not pathetic to that extent yet.
so wht if he came into my heart as a great friend?
he still end up hurting, leaving behind him a trail of blood
n the scar that would hurt now n then.
but i wish to be frens still
how pathetic am i man. screw me.



told edwin things i nv wanted to say.
things i maybe wun even tell him for life.
things i wanna keep within myself.
things that i only dare to dream abt.


but why?


cuz i fear.
i fear thing would nv happen.
i fear i'm juz dreaming on.
i fear of hurting myself.
i fear of my selfishness.


wad i need now is juz ur assurance.

Labels: screw me

sucks x10

sucks to be awake now.
i'm tired, but juz unable to get to slp.
cuz i know i shld do something.
but i actually did nt do it.
i even decieved myself bout it.
saying its ok, its alright.
wad a cock i'm, being so stupid.
grab the chance n do something edmund.
she's a nice girl. but i did nth in the end.

i wanna hang on alone.
thats why i kept it to myself.
all to myself. no one else.
but i still gt some weird sense.
i wan my buddies to ask.
one of them, nic or edwin or jit or jonah.
then i may get everything off my chest?!
i have no idea. this is gonna kill me soon.
leave me to die.

Labels: SUCKS

loads of things to blog abt all of a sudden.
loads to let off my mind now. ha.
received a call from jonah ytd.
a very very short call only.
did nt manage to catch up much wif this dude.
thou i'm happy alr to recieve a call.
sometimes its juz such simple things i look forward to.
a simple call, a sms, enough to keep me going.
other ppl are like gone, all duno busy wif wad thou.
sometimes i seem to be short of words to describe how i feel.hais.
its different to be a buddy, a good friend, n juz a normal friend.
its juz wad i expect to recieve. cuz i cant lose again. no more.



back to some random updates.
course ended, kay2 gonna leave me.
no idea how to move on.
no idea wads gonna come next.
posted back to clementi camp-.-
but glad that i'm posted wif some ppl i clique wif.
nt that bad i suppose, i hope so.
next monday is gonna be another new feeling.=/



feeling; sucky =(
listening to; no promise by shayne ward.

Labels: KAY2

found out something just. NS is tearing me apart.
loads of problems, many questions, but no answers.
i wanna find someone to give me answers.
but i juz realised, realised such a cruel fact.
many people are just too busy, very busy.
my dearest bro, nic is in NS confined.
my trio gang, edwin n jit is busy n shagged by ns.
my boyfriend, jonah is stuck confined in ns as well.
even my bro pig siew has lost contact wif me.
they are the ones i wanna go to when i've probs.
the ones i can i wanna rely on for answers.
n now they are the ones nt arnd for me.
suddenly i felt kinda lost without directions.
nv felt so since chinhua went off.
so lost so helpless so pathetic me.


are u the one for me?
i fear i fear i made a wrong choice.
i wanna give myself a chance.
would u give me one?
i have no idea.

Labels: emo

wad a weekend man=) fun n enjoyable.
ytd was day out wif edwin.
asshole for pangseh-ing me.
haha. went to eat at swensens.
the treat was gr8.=)
den went arnd to help him shop for stuffs.
also went down to queensway.
omg. i feel very much to get a deuter bag!!
but i'm so bloody broke. hais.
n ikea-ed b4 going home.
went down to my uncle's hse.
played wif my baby cousin jayson.
omg, he's so damn cute!;)

today was a tiring day.
woke up at 6plus to go back camp.
washed all the kennels in camp luhh.
so tiring man, but was fast done anw.
den was mahjong session in the afternoon.
i won again. lol.
n had alot of funny poker games till juz nw.=/
got to book in very very soon.=(

felt kinda suprised man.
things n ppl do change.
i was taken aback.

Labels: weekends

since there is such feverish requests for me to do the quiz..
n since its been awhile since i've done one..
so here goes!





1] At what age do you wish to marry?
28. haha.

2] What I want the most now?
get the nuts outta NS. get into my university course.
MONEY $_$

3] Who is the person you trust the most?
MYSELF.

4] Do you think you have enough confidence?
yes. too calm for my own good.

5] If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
MONEY. get rich for real.

6] Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
i saw one before.

7] What are you afraid to lose the most now?
my family n of course my friends.

8] Do you believe in eternity love?
i once did so but now i'm uncertain.

9] If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
yes, i would try.

10] List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
NOISY x3

11] What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
dun need be v pretty. but muz have a character i like. nt to mention that muz love me. lol.

12] What feeling do you hate the most?
betrayal. being pang seh-ed.

13] Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
i did i do n i will do cherish.

14] Do you believe in God?
maybe.

15] What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
MY FAMILY N FRENS.

16] Do you find it a need for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
i have no ans for this now.

17] At this point of time, would you rather stay in your comfort zone or try something new?
SOMETHING NEW. i wanna go uni n learn driving n do alot more.

18] What kind of friend you hope to be in your friend's eyes?
the one that will always be there for u no matter rain or shine, never changing.=)

19] What age do you wanna die at?
i'm selfish. before everyone important to me leaves me first.

20] Who deserves to die?
MAS SELAMAT is top on my hit list for the time being.

21] Erm... Say, what question can I give. What's your favourite organ in your body?
every organ. i love myself=p

22] being lazy to remove a qn since i typed all-.- so here goes one more!
Name a regret in your life.
i regretted being a useless person at times.

INSTRUCTIONS: remove 1 question from above and type in your own question. tag 8 people to do this quiz!
SUWEN. do b4 u become top on my hitlist taking over mas.
others that read this must do! its my order! haha.=p

Labels: quizz

haha. kindness! firmness! patience!
DOG handling is undescribed.
a job of total absurdness.
but kinda enjoyable.
still kinda irritating.
feel kinda scared.
such a little of everything.
makes me soo confused whether to love it or hate it.
anw, my course dog for these 2 weeks is KAY2!
shes a bitch, malinose n extremely loves me.
thats all! tada~!

Labels: KAY2

i can tell u. it sucks to be thinking of tmr.
cuz i have to stayin frm tmr onwards.
k la, its nt so much of a torture.
but i hated stay-ins.
so kinda dreading it now alr.
but i really hope.
the life at the new unit is better.
hope it can be enriching n slack=/
n nights out!! haha.


i wished for u to be by my side nw..
thou i fear of the outcome.

Labels: SIAN

confused, purplexed, helpless.
things that i actually decided to drop alr.
all came back. but full of uncertainties.
i duno wad i want.
i duno wad to wish for.
i did nt hrbour any hopes anymore.
but yes, i was awakened to reality.
yes, i stand my chance.
but i actually hesitated.
i did nt know whether to grab hold of it or not.
i am juz fearful within.
so fearful to waver myself.
n now, how i hope i know less.
knowing things sucked.
how i wish u can juz tell me so.
uoyevoli

sucky blogger. lost my post to the ocean alr.=/
now i have to repost all this once more!
yesterday was dumb.
end of course alr still wasted my time.
my precious time all into the drain sia.
after everthing went home to change.
den met desmond n jonah at clarkquay.
went for dinner wif them at billy bombers.
had a FULL meal. i could nt finish everything luhh.
but they did=/ wif alot of suaning of me.
after that we went down to liquid kitchen.
had a weird nite wif this weird woman.
breathing down our necks-.-
but nevertheless, enjoyed the company.
had enjoyable talk wif jonah n desmond.
liquid kitchen seems to attract me.
wif a excellent atmosphere.
nt to 4get my fav; gin sprite!=D

today went out wif jonah aka bf to beach road.
cuz he's enlisting!! next week.
went down to golden mile for lunch
den bought all his army stuffs.
n left that place for bukit batok.
wanted to play bowling initially.
but so suay, there no lane on weekend.
soo crowded can. so pool-ed instead.
i won jonah anw!!=)
then headed to bukitbatok aka my xiao jiu hse.
went to teach tution b4 that thou.

wishing for no mondays.=/

Labels: GIN SPRITE

lots n lots of rushing today.
from point a to b.
here to there.
juz for the sake of a ntu interview.
lol. its impt to me. v impt.
so i pratically rushed all over today.
cuz i still had to report to camp.
anw i gt my half day off.
had to go back camp in the afternoon for test.
lol. test was easy. managed=)
ntu interview was mysterious.
over-casual i muz say.
makes me rather nervous.
but i tok cock alot.
might screw-up=/
tmr is my last day of course!!
last week for stayouts!!><
next week going for 2week course.
its a stay-in=((
gonna live wif the dogs=/
wonder how life is gonna be then. hmm.


tell me i should. tell me to go for it.

Labels: BORED

I'm so FULL!haha.
juz went to seoul garden wif nic tan.
wanted to treat him,
but he kinda stuffed some money to me anw.
my di is soo understanding.
*crosses finger*
we ate till we were...
SO FULL la!
ok. shall go rest le.. so FULL!

Labels: SEOUL

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