Shakespeare says: Love That Can Be Calculated Is Superficial.

freaking irritated by damn blogspot can! my previous two posts cant come out.><

now den i know u din bother

i nv knew i'm so insignificant.

DOin: nth. tryin to stone.
FeeliN: horrid. depression mode.
ThInKin: Loads. too much tt it causes me a headache.
LiSteNin: Zhong Shen; He Jing Jing [a date wif a vampire3 OST]

stuck back in my depression mode. din know she could be so influential in me. she made me as pessimistic as her. cant believe it. even myself. how ironic can it get. stop movin any nearer. tt's wad i told myself. but y this time i cant? i seem to be losing control. hais. nv mind. 4get bout it. shant think abt it for the time being? i should let myself think wad i really wan bahh.

watched death note today. one of the poor people tt only gt to watch until now. watched tog wif siew spas n ber. b4 the dumb movie started. we succeed in making spas suffer. lol. coz we keep emphasisin on her sittin at the corner. den she kinda abit freaked out. keep wantin to change seats. but we refused.=p back to the movie. its quite a disappointment. the plot is altered to be diff frm the comic. buden they alter until the whole plot became odd. make the show alot less nicer. alot of good parts were nt included. so was pretty sian diao wif the show. nt a good show to me. i've high expectations.=/

anyway. something abt ytd tt i 4got to mention. the concert back at bp. was ok la. for the performances, i really think some were kinda below standard. juz my picky nature. buden i still went since it's the last concert in this bp campus. kinda sad the place is gonna tear down. i spent four of my years there. the place whr i had alot of feelings for. the place whr i went through so much. n it is gonna be gone. so wad if it's a new campus soon? it's still the feelin that counts to me. really v bu she de. saw alot of frens back dere. but i was rather quiet. duno why. the best part of the concert was towards the end. when they sang if we hold on together. v nice. we also joined in. n the time when i heard the sch song sung so loudly other than during graduation. kinda touched. i sure will miss the campus.;(

sometimes i really feel tt i'm such a lousy fren..

ok... i got the name of an exploiter today.

TAN: as if i've to exploit u to go wif me to wisma.its ur honour k?hehe.anyway i only keep asking u to pay. but u also nv pay for my food=/ n get ur facts rite. i so good to u whr gt exploit u.lol. it seems more like u exploit me lo. >< anyway. its fun having to go out wif u. n having ur company always las.=/

anyway. i found out that joining ogl seem to be quite a mistake after all. ok. i admit they need the experienced ogls' help la. but kinda weird this time when they said "split strength evenly". wad an irony.anyway. i really ought to be relieved tt at least i din get posted to another family le.. poor spas n siew. really felt sad for them. but kinda pei fu their courage to even go for the first meeting. coz i doubt i will if i'm them. haha. put that aside, i juz seriously hope wad i think wun come true for me. wad a bad feeling.zzz. juz pray hard it dun come true. =(

anyway. i gonna think of work to do to earn myself $ le. zzz. i need $ to sustain my life in the hols. hais. n i juz woke my dad up juz now to extort 5 bucks frm him for being his alarm. he has to fetch a passenger. -.- i need$$><

wad is my prob anyway?why muz my thots venture here.. to the deepest of my heart. the darkest.the place where i dun wan light to enter. the place whr it hurts the most when touched.

i really dunno why i went in again. but it really hurts even after so many years. time did nt manage to heal this wound. it seems to be forever open. everytime when i come in contact, it never failed to make me sink deep in thots n depression.

u left me for so many years alr. but my misses for u has nv seem to decreased. for u. it seems that from time to time. i will tend to let my thots run to u. i cant forget the years tog. u're part of me. u flow in me. i HATE u for leaving me behind. wif the big mess. n juz nt comin back to help me. tell me how to forget u. maybe i should. it may make me a happier person.

someone teach me how to forget?

hais. i screwed ppl's bdae up again.=/
nv mind. sorry to all that i 4got. my memory wif birthdates is horrible.esp YAN BO.=/when i still have u as my buddy, i daringly forgot.=(

HAPPY BELATED BDAY TO YAN BO & HUI YIN[XIAO NAO DAI]!!!

n juz in case i forget..

HAPPY EARLY BDAY TO ZHEN JIAN N WEI JIE!

missed s22. i wan outing soon..;)

another odd timing for me to post.

guess loads have changed. once had doesn't imply the word forever. haha. sounds so philosophical.buden its juz so simple n plain to me. once an ogl does place me always as an ogl. but.. why did i waver so much in deciding this time? i initially did nt wan join anymore. but i still submitted the form. i handed in the form. ppl start to ps. i got more -.- did nt even wanna attend the interview ytd. but i still did. guess wad. i still cant think why i wavered so much. i still cant settle on one decision. coz i feel that i will regret nt choosing the other. frens also does nt always imply forever. why for be close wif each other when there is goin to be drifts in the future?

mood: kinda moody.

i once too had it for u. but u made me lose it?

ohh. i juz found it hard to talk to u.

super sian. PEOPLE! DRINK MORE WATER! THE DUMB HAZE IS REFUSING TO LEAVE!haha. PSI is now like 100+ for the day? ooo wth. so damn high la. n it made me damn sick. actually din wan to turn up in sch today. but becoz of pw. i reluctantly did so. in the end. nth much done. wa lau. wasted my day in school. kinda drifted again. sian. the heated arguement juz did the part. i dun even wish to talk much now. super sian can. feel kinda bad now..=/ i dun bother typing hypo's part la. lazy. i needa rehearse my dumb script.>< short post. shall end for the day.=)

oh. this is one odd timing for me to post an entry.

maybe juz too much have been goin on recently. first part of the wk got loads of dumb results n stuffs. den d-day came. was feeling super horrible. but i went through it. with my endurance. but i still broke down within. unknown. i coped through it. n now. my sixth sense din fail my like b4. i sensed problems wif ppl around. n they came true. sometimes i may really wish my sixth sense was nt so accurate after all. ;( but nv mind. i'm alr so used to it. terrible headache n flu now. fk the haze. causing me so much problems. n sorry spas. for ps-ing u. we go sometime nxt week k? dun feel sad becoz u cant go out wif me! hehe.=p really nth much for me to post. io think i shall go beck to lalaland for another while?

its nvr wise to keep too much inside.

guess i'm in super bad luck.my fone juz decided to die on me juz now.wtf. i need it REPAIRED!

nv mind bout my fone. thank goodness i performed CPR on time for it. n its now 'normal' i suppose. but still. the dumb expiry date for it is coming. i need it REPAIRED for nuts. i wun wan to pay.=/

today spent my peaceful day at home resting. din ever had gd slp for the past wk le. juz decided to be a pig as usual n slp. n i read finish a book! wad a satisfaction!=) bei shang lian ge. its a very nice book. =) touching storyline. =p

nth much to be mentioned. guess i can juz end here.

it may juz be my fertile imagination.

hmm.i tink i became more controlled than b4.more calm.

i think these days of my life has alr done alot to my bad temper. bad i mean REAL bad.some might nt know yet. coz i hate to lose my temper.most common is my family tt knows.=/ i've been controlling myself so much that even some IDIOT wanna crawl over me head! fk seh. show me ATTITUDE.thank god u're a gal. if nt i sure punch u(esp erhmm).maybe nt so aft typing this.so fickle minded of me. i've always nt wanted to lose my temper arnd my loved ones. coz i know it will most likely juz end up with heavy casualties on both sides.;) i hate it. so i wun wan to do it. as best as i can. RAHHXx. i needa someone for me to pour everything out.

nth much to update these days. juz plain boring sch life?wtf. this soo BORING can. ppl are nt pei-ing me go out larr. ZZZ. super sian1/2. oh yeahh. almost forgot ytd nite. the rather dumb nut nite. went for it. aft tt i kinda dreaded n regretted. only few leaders went. went wif kian n yq. we had some fun las. exploring n stuffs.;) but nut nite is nt fun to me. shant elaborate much. lest unwanted stuffs leaks.=/ today was open house. boring. nt as grand as expected. nth much to be worth mentioning bahh. except i was rather sian through it. coz some IDIOT pissed me off n spoilt my mood. make me sian for open hse also. n i din have lunch. so was v xin ku wif gastric through the whole thing. fk la. hate it. i dun wish for sch aft promos. whr are my hols? whr are my outingS?


would i be the one for u?
can i? pls?

Mood : v freaking foul.

yea.its all my fault. i'm the fker. i hate myself.
i wonder how much longer i can stand it.

wad a tiring day.

i suffered basically from many days of no gd slp n i still decided to go on with sch even today.everything inside me seems to be falling. i've found no one to support the falling.

D-Day.
feeling darn fk-ed up now.
wtf.D-day commenced since ytd.
n taday he still decided to scold me.
so wth. really spoils my darn mood.
but i din wish for such to happen.
everytime i put on the strong front.
its juz the weakening of myself in within.
within is nth bt the frail soul.
badly injured.
i maimed myself.
i meant it. the scars on my skin.

if she really concerned,
it would nt always be me as the one,
stepping forward. sms-ing her.
the mutuality is nt dere.
i'm feelin more down den ever,
the feeling of givin up is strong.
n i lost my promise.
its nt wrong for me to lose her.
its juz my fault.

i wonder why i think so much.
i find myself such an dumbass.
sucky mood through the day.
dunno wads been me.
whrs my direction for now?
i really dunno.

ok.my life is finally BACK.
promos ended.
spent a day in town.
actually this update was supposed to be up ytd.
but pig me dozed off early.
so delayed till today.
ponned the dumb olympaid trng.
decided to slp my day.=p
n meet siew to go play pool.
hehe. in the end pig siew also ponned his trng.
so we both met to go town.
shop n play pool!;)
it has been long since my life has been lik tat.
we played pool at cine.
n i lost quite a few rounds can.
keep getting the dumb black ball in.
haha. but had fun wif siew.
later we decided to go taka for food.;)
got some food n ate=p
met tan later at wisma.
pig him kena ps den come find us.haha=p
den the trio went to far east to shop.
walked arnd aimlessly aft that.
juz here dere to shop n look arnd.
aft walking here n dere,
we decided to go marina to bowl.
buden marina dere de bowling full.-.-
so we juz ate at han's.
n loads of funny things start to happen during dinner.
haha. had loads of laughing.
n i real din stay out so late for quite awhile le.
hehe. real enjoyed myself.=p

maybe i'm nothing to u?

END OF THE MUGGING SEASON.
finally! mugging season end! hehe.
this is gonna be a long post!=p
gotta loads to say.
first of all! YEAH!!!
PROMOS IS OVER!FINALLY.
i endured through my j1 promos.=/
so proud of myself.hahaa.
last paper was ytd.
physics was horrible.=/
i admit i was too complacent wif it.
thats why i'm gonna do real badly.
i refused to let mr lai tell me my grade.
only knew i passed.=/
but this is nt my aim. i do aim high.
i've high expectations for myself.
many may nt see it. but i aim REAL high.
i wan to excel my As. i dun wan history to repeat.
but i'm nt competitive. i wanna win myself is enuf.
others i dun bother. i will only be concerned.
ok. enuf of all the studying rubbish.
now is time to talk abt FUN!
ytd aft promos went eat at market dere? haha.
loads of ppl depressed n stuffs.
but don't k? its over alr.
NOW its time to enjoy fully!!=D
den went bukit timah dere for pool.
found out its a rather dumb decision to play at century.
the place dere is sucky.
table v smooth. v nt used.
den played v suckily. zzz.
but i still won quite a number of games.
n spas lost me n ber an ice cream cone each.
n she still owe me my choco!!=p
should have went kpool.=/
n i needa play more. skills rusty.
hmm. n without promos, i still slp at 4plus.
my biological clock is permanently spoilt.
gone case for it.
was crappin wif tan n readin my book. lol
i juz love reading. stressless.haha.
den today was supposed to go town.
in de end cancelled.=/
n tan was supposed to wake me up early.
wanna go pay bills at civic.
buden in de end somethn errie happened.
he called me n i hung up his fone.=/
buden i've totally no memory of doin so.
HAHA.dumb of me can.;(
n i juz spent the nite at my cousin's hse.
burnin de neighbourhood down? hehe.
shall update more bout ths in the next entry.
n will be uploadin pics..so stay tuned=p
anyway! HAPPY MOONCAKE FESTIVAL?!
ZHONG QIU JIE KUAI LE=X

i tot i could win.
now then i found out.
its all my wishful thinking.
but i will still be
the untimat winner.
because of U.

THE LAST STRETCH.
haha. two h2 papers passed.
okok. maths was AWFUL can.
i cant do the qns for nuts la.
fine wif it. dun bother now.
chen today was rly easy.
hahaha. somemore i revised wif siew at nite.
so while askin him qns,
i recalled all my stuff effectively.;)
n the paper got several dumb mistakes i made;(
hahah. but since its over, nv mind.
hope i can do well for chem.
n dun disappoint my tutor;)
N THURS is da last PAPER!!
WOOHOO! physics though.
hope can do better than common test.
dun disappoint lai again.;p
shall work hard for this last ppr.
N ENJOY AFT IT!!

i shall start planning on wad i wan to do aft promos.

1. find myself a job. [i need the $$]
2. go shop for stuffs. [loads of wants, no $]
3. repair my poor fone;(
4. POOL!
5. Bowling?=p
6. have outings?! [s22? 102/205?=D]
7. s22 chalet?haha. AGAIN..
8. shall nt say?!

will we work out?

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!
LOL. of all times. children's day now.
RAHH. i've no chance to think of it.
haha. dumb. everyone at home for children's day hols tmr.
n dumb me have to go sch for promos.
MATHS. fk.
one sub i learnt to hate in jc.
freakin dumb las. my tutor is useless.
sian. den all studying is on myself.
n the chapters are freaking hard.
now i am approaching the last few papers.
but my confidence is nt yet dere.zzz.
nv mind. i will make it.

wad a promise made.
can it be done?
i'm nt sure.
time is nt on my side..
i wish for every moment wif u ard.

• -=|Ed[M]und|=-
  18081989
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